I Had A BAD Dream

I had a dream. Neither like Martin Luther King Jr. nor Joseph. I went to bed one night as Nwabueze but dreamt like Pharaoh. I’m in the market now shopping for Joseph to interpret. A sneak preview of my dream pattern I figure will be helpful. As a kid I usually have different dreams for every minute of my night sleep. The morning comes with a huge delete function that clears my memory and brain cache. If I’m lucky I’ll remember a few scenes from the dream. If I’m not, I won’t remember nada. The weird amnesia is limited; I never forget that I had dreams.

The movie or whatever I watched before hitting the sack often shapes my dreams. If I watched horror like Hammer House of Horror, Evil Dead, etc then I’m in grave danger. Sometimes I’ll wake up in the middle of the nightmare fall back asleep only to continue from where I stopped. It’s kinda stupid that despite the horrible effect these movies have on me I still watched them. I prefer closing my eyes when they get to the horror part to not watching at all. But the horrific screams and tunes that drift into my psyche create an image scarier than what is on TV. Back then also it was a test of courage or manliness among my peers if you can watch horror stuff. If I watched action, comedy or something like SUPERTED, well you get the message.

Today my night is beset with acute scarcity of dream. I dream sparingly and most of them come true.I still dream a lot by the day though. One of my many dreams by the day is when generators in Nigeria will suffer the same fate as dinosaurs. I’m not a huge fan of football nor am I a LOONY ZOMBIE fan of any football club but the dream is about World Cup.

In the dream, the spectacular colourful opening ceremony was in full energy and climax. I can’t remember whether I was watching from my sitting room or the stadium. Unexpectedly, somebody ran from the spectators right into the heart of the group performing in the field and………

…….....KAAABOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!

The explosion was so massive making a child’s play of Hiroshima. Deadly stampede ensued then I woke up benumbed and dazed. I didn’t see the year of the world cup, whether it’s in the past or future. Yeah it’s just a mere dream so what the fuss right? Considering the fact that a fraction of my dream comes true and September 11 2001, the possibility of this dream becoming reality cannot be banished to the obscure archives of UFO stories. What if a message/warning is being passed through humble moi? Whatever happened to a Joseph when you need one?

The last thing I would want to say later regarding this is; “SEE, I TOLD YOU SO”

SA 2010 World Cup is around the corner, organizers should put every minute detail of security in order. Those of you/us who’ll travel from far and near to witness the competition should be very cautious. Not just for SA 2010 but for subsequent world cups. I won’t blink the fact that I may be crying wolf when it’s just a starved weak sheep. A proverb in my place translates “To See And Not Talk, Kills The Elder” and “To Talk And Not Listen, Kills The Child”

In any case, take heed of my cry lest ye end with the cry.

N8,800 Battery For An N8,000 Phone.

I went to Nokia Care Center in V.I. the other day to fix the screen of my E90. Took a ticket and waited patiently like a jobless dude. I've never been there before. It looks cool. Gives you this feeling of “come unto me all ye whose phone has heavily laden you and we will give you rest……. for a fee if need be” If I had known about that office, my 5300 would've been given Lazarus' chance of life.

The line got to me, I got charged N6600 for the screen. I haven't even paid yet.
There was this dude beside me with a stentorian voice. His voice is the ideal hi-tech futuristic weapon when compared to the primitive trumpets used to bring down walls of Jericho. Dude came to buy a battery for his phone.

Boom Voice: How much do you sell battery for this phone?
Nokia Staff: It's N8,800 sir.
Boom Voice: What?! No check again.

The nokia care center representatives (all girls though) started giggling sheepishly amongst themselves sensing that the poor guy couldn't believe it's that expensive. Of course his tone of voice, look on his face and gesture was glaring even the blind could see his astonishment which he made no attempt to mask.

Boom Voice: Why I'm asking is that I bought this phone N8000, howcome the battery is N8,800?

Instantly a roaring laughter rocked the room, ripping apart the serenity of the vicinity. The laughter held sway for a long time. The punch line was nicely delivered. Ironically this guy's tragedy gave us comedy overload. Trust me that dose laugh cures HBP permanently.

Nokia Staff: Sir we don't sell fake batteries, the least of our batteries is N6000.

I was like, what's the least of your phones? Quickly she replied they don't sell phones. The dude was disappointed big time. "How can I buy a phone for N8,000 and the battery alone costs N8,800? Its better I buy a new phone then" You can imagine that. Even if he bought his phone from the greyest quarters of grey market, it can never sell up to N12,000 in a nokia authorized store. The dude just walked away obviously he went to the wrong place like going to Iraq looking for statue of liberty.

I almost bought a battery for N6000 from the nokia store at The Palms Mall sometime ago. Lucky I didn't cuz the phone's problem was not even battery.

Another exotic looking chick presented her E90 for repairs. Only God knows the star high figure they told her but like boom voice, she was very vocal when she said "Let Me Go And See Those Igbo Boys" and she stormed out of the office. Igbo boys to the rescue. I expected a chick with those looks to be equal to the task. Igbo Boys do make miracles and magic depending on what you want. I guess the yoruba boom voice should do the same. Go see the IGBO boys!

By the way, I"M PROUDLY IBO!

Counting On You

This is something from the archive. A letter I wrote to my elder cousin when I got bored sitting at home after my graduation. Sent via email on Monday 28 June 2004.

Counting On You

Hello Dear Dee Ugo, warmest greetings to you
Hope it's all good with you and around you
By His grace we are just getting through
l pray that we all get the best from what we do
The project is no longer a task it has been tidied-up
Our results are not yet out they still have to toss it up
That don't faze me, l won't make it a storm in a teacup
l'm bothered about doing nothing, l have to at least sup
Most people think l should rest all day having achieved one goal
That after the school stress that l now relax body and soul
But on the flip side l'm wasting in this somewhat hell-hole
Desire for achievement is in flux l need to play a lucrative role
My completion of school was greeted with a lot of fanfare
l basked in it for a while and somehow it kinda ended there
What l hoped for seemed shattered like an unlucky chinaware
Honestly right about now l'm just neck-deep in despair
Now l don't have options in my arsenal l only have last hope
l'm counting on you as pis aller hoping you will be able to cope
No language will ever explain my exact state if you say nope
lt's not an order, it's just a request within the humility scope
Ooops let me hurriedly click on send before
l run out of time l can't afford to pay for more
Time cuz l'm broke, all the regards in my store
ls what l'm sending, this is where l'll quit the floor

Nwabueze